“How are you feeling?”
I’m asked this question at least once a day. I greatly appreciate how much people genuinely care about how we’re doing (me and baby), but I’m finding it’s hard to truly answer this question.
I’m challenged to sum up how I’m feeling in the expected 10 second response window. I can’t.
We have quite a few life changes in the works right now. We’re building a brand new house and should be closing very soon (on both the sale of our current house and the purchase of our new one). We have a baby on the way due in March 2020. Eric is always thinking about the next big project, so we’re exploring that.
So, I’m feeling a bit all over the place.
In terms of the house…
I’m excited! I’m stressed. I’m ready to be settled.
We’ve been in this process since February 2019 and dreaming about/planning it for even longer. We’re so close to the finish line! We just need the city of Durham to get their stuff together and allow things to move along. Praying this all happens better and quicker than expected.
I’m grateful for a beautiful new home that we personalized through structural and design choices. I’m looking forward to being close to friends and family. We’ll have friends within walking distance and family just a handful of exits down the highway.
Our current home has blessed us greatly and has prepared us for this next chapter. To be honest, I’m ready for that chapter to begin! I can’t wait to begin decorating the baby’s nursery. And I really can’t wait for our new, big, beautiful shower! And our dreamy white kitchen. And our custom closet and pantry. And our wooded backyard. All the things…
For right now, it’s a to-do list a mile long and packing. The thought of it stresses me out because we’re not 100% sure what day we’ll be closing, so I’m stuck. I can’t make any arrangements. I don’t want to start packing too much and then have things get delayed. We’re stuck in the in-between. But it’ll all be okay.
In terms of the baby…
I’m thrilled. I’m nervous. I’m overwhelmed by all the information, all the baby gear, all the planning.
I have always wanted to be a momma. There are still moments that I can’t believe I’m pregnant. Then I look down at my growing belly and it feels real again. It’s been such an incredible journey so far and I’m happy to be on it.
Now that I’m in my second trimester, things have gotten a bit easier. I’m not quite as tired as I was in the first. I’m not constantly bombarded with new-to-me information (don’t eat this, don’t use that product, sleep this way). It’s becoming more natural to me and that helps a lot.
With that being said, there’s still so much more to learn! We’ve started researching all the baby gear – whoa! How does one little human being need so much stuff!? I guess the truth is they don’t, but right now we’re trying to figure out what’s needed and what isn’t. If you have any insight on this, please help me out.
Knowing we’re getting ready to move has helped me pump the brakes on purchasing any baby things, but I’m so eager to! It’s for the best though so I have time to sort through all the information, talk to experienced mommas, and formulate our own opinions about what’s right for us.
I’m nervous about labor and delivery and the healing process afterwards. I’m nervous about becoming parents. I’m nervous about what our new lives will look like. I’m nervous about the lack of sleep. I’m nervous about how our marriage will change. But I know without a doubt we want this more than anything and we’re ready for whatever God throws our way.
In terms of what Eric has going on…
I’m sitting back and being supportive. I trust him and I trust God’s plan.
This isn’t the first time we’ve experienced major life changes all at once. Remember that time a little over two years ago when we both decided to quit our jobs and begin new careers? Yeah, that was crazy and scary, but it was worth it.
This feels even bigger than that though. Having walked that path before, I know I can expect good things to be on the other side. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s an important part of growing in life. It’s hard to think of something incredible in life that didn’t require some sort of change. Some sort of uncomfortable push forward.
I hope that gives you a better idea of how I’m feeling if you’ve been wondering. I’m feeling great, but it’s a little more complicated than that. I imagine the same is true for you too.
It’s never quite as simple as we make it seem to others. It’s okay to feel both positive and negative emotions about the same thing. It’s okay to talk about it and journal what’s going on – whatever helps you sort it out. It’s encouraged to pray about it and be real about what you need in this season.
I don’t share all this for sympathy. We have made all the decisions to lead us to this season and I’m 100% good with that. I share to be real and transparent. We often only share the highlight reel, so this is a little behind the scenes.
Ask your people how they’re feeling and invite them to be open about the true, deeper answer. Life is full of beautiful things – connection is one of them.
Thank you for being on this journey with us. I hope that you’ll stick around because it’s a wild, amazing ride! I’d love to know what’s going on in your world – let me know below. How can I be praying for you?